Do we set ourselves up for failure?

I have to take these placement tests for graduate school coming up in less than a month (help me, God!). I feel inadequate to be taking them. It's been a looooooooooong time since I've even really thought about the information that will be asked of me. So I'm going into this with the expectations of failing. That way I won't be upset at myself. Low expectations are brilliant. Ha.

It also got me to think about how much we personally set ourselves up for failure. We all know that we are are our worst critics by far. We like to beat ourselves up mentally. That silly voice inside of us says we aren't good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not friendly enough, not, not, not...Ugh.

I had a friend ask 2 questions back to back. The first one was asking what we were good at and the second one was asking what we were bad at. Now I'm all for self-evaluation and think it's beneficial for everyone to do. But why do we always have to follow up something positive with a negative? Is it human nature to do that?

I think I'll continue to process through this and see where it gets me.

Peace. :)

Oh, how things change.

I haven't updated on what I've been learning lately. That was the intentional reason behind this blog. So here is an update of sorts. Enjoy!

I've been learning a lot lately. Or maybe I've just opened myself up to it more and more. And by lately, mean the past week. I've been kind of "numb" from a certain situation I've been dealing with. It's something that I know won't just disappear or leave me. So I've been trying to figure out how to deal with it. How to forgive when someone doesn't really even care that you've been hurt. Ah, it's all life stuff. How do we deal with what has happened? We are deal with things differently. I have been in a state of just ignoring the situation and then because of that just becoming numb to a lot of things. I'm in a better state. Even though it's hard to face the things that are troubling you, it is much better than becoming numb to them.

I started to date a wonderful guy named Jeremy. It's been really, really nice and I'm happy. I could go into detail, but I don't want to bore everyone with my stories. :)

I attended a funeral yesterday, which was a wonderful celebration of a lady I knew. It was a reminder to me to live life in the present and enjoy what I have while I have it. Why is it that it takes a funeral for me to remember that?

I am glad that Eugene is my home. So many neat things have happened since I've lived here. I've grown a lot, become way more active, ran a half marathon, sang in a choir and become friends with some great people from that experience, and am starting to get close to some of my school co-workers. I can also add Graduate school, an awesome job that I have teaching kids everyday, and more. Oh, don't forgot that I can go to the coast or mountains anytime that I want. Woo! :)

There are still things I miss about Indiana and I was explaining that tonight to Jeremy. I miss my friendships that I had. They just aren't the same and I knew that would change once I got out here. I am thankful that I still stay in contact with people and that they put up with my lack of awesome communication skills. I do cherish those people. They have helped me become the person that I am today. I miss them.

I heart yoga and want to do it more. I also really like running and am glad I'm starting to train for my second half marathon in september! :)

I feel loved out here in Eugene. I'm glad I know the people that I do, am in the community that I am in, and have had wonderful experiences so far. I do feel blessed.

:)

The story of my first half marathon

The outcome of the race was wonderful. I made my goal of running the whole 13.1 miles without stopping! The only time I stopped was as the drink stations because running and drinking doesn't work out so well. :) Here's the recap of my wonderful adventure.

Saturday afternoon I picked up my race packet and the reality of running the next morning became a huge reality. I couldn't believe that all the people that were at the expo would be joining me in the morning the next day. I got pretty nervous there. The one thing that really made the butterflies appear in my stomach was thinking that I'd disappoint myself by not being able to run the whole half. I started this training program in Jan. knowing that it didn't matter how long it would take me to get to the finish line. All I wanted to do was run the whole thing. I knew it was going to be a lofty goal because of so many different reasons. 1. I really disliked running. 2. I really wasn't in great physical shape 3. Fear

Saturday also wasn't the best for me because I had a choral program where I had to stand a lot. That is something you usually don't want to do prior to a big race. My legs were already tired. And to top it off I didn't get home from the concert until 11pm and didn't make it to my bed until 11:30pm. Waking up at 5:15am the next day was quite rough. :)

Sunday morning:
I woke up pretty excited for this adventure. I really think I got all of my nervousness out of my system on Saturday because I wasn't feeling nervous. I really think it's because I'm not a morning person so my brain doesn't even translate nervousness that early. My running partner picked my roommate and me up at 6am. We proceeded to pick up my other running partner and we headed downtown to get shuttled in, by school bus, to Hayward Field. It was cold that morning!! I just had a tank top and shorts on because I knew after a mile or so I would get stinkin' warm. We got off of the bus (the mental preparation of the people I was near was pretty impressive) and headed to the corals at the start line. We found the 12 minute mile group and went there. Next time I will jump up a little bit and maybe go to the 11 minute group. Mostly because we had to dodge A LOT of walkers during the first couple of miles. It wasn't too bad, but I know that our overall time would have been faster if we moved up. It took us 5 minutes to get from where we were in line to the start line. There were that many people there!

Mile 1 -4 was okay. I felt pretty good. I was just focusing on getting in a rhythm and making sure my body was working out alright. The past couple of weeks I've been having some left hip issues. A runner friend of mine said it is most likely a hip pointer (where you have over run and just need to bring down your mileage.). My hip was indeed hurting the first mile, but then it got worked out as I went on. I saw two of my friends during the 2 mile, which was AWESOME! Around mile 4 I saw a couple other friends! Loved it! It was so great seeing friends along the way. I had no idea that you need so much support when you are out there. If I ever go watch a race I will make sure to bring a cowbell or drum so that I can keep cheering for everyone. The people that were cheering us on, even though they didn't know us, really helped keep our spirits up. At mile 4 we had to endure a little hill, which was kind of tough, but not awful.

Mile 5-8 were my best miles of the race. We were going super fast and felt really, really good at that point. My comment at mile 5 was all we need to do is coast now. It was a long, flat stretch. I just enjoyed these miles so much. I ran into my friend during these miles, which was awesome. She just screamed and cheered for us!!! :)

Mile 8-9 was HARD. It was on a street that was going up a hill. No runner at this point was actually talking. When we reached the top of the hill all the runners were just cheering and celebrating. I was proud that we did not stop and walk up. We kept running (slooooooowwwwwwww jog) the whole time! The downhill part was AWESOME!

Mile 10-12 was HARD. There really weren't any people out there cheering for us. My legs were tired. I was struggling, but I kept on going. I really focused on making my goal at this time.

Mile 12-13.1 was ok. The people cheering were wonderful. I needed a boost of energy and they helped! I saw a coworker and her husband right before I entered Hayward field. She was yelling and screaming for me to keep going. Loved it! I saw the finish line and was pumped to almost be able to make my goal. I crossed the line and couldn't believe that I did it!!!!

My pace was 12:12/mile and ended in 2:40. WOW! What an experience. I really believe anyone can run now that I did it. So if you think you could never do this, think again. Now is the time to dream big dreams and make big goals for yourself. You'd be surprised how great you will feel when you accomplish them.

Next goal for me: Women's half marathon, Sept. 5th! :)

T - 4 days

I am running my first ever half marathon on this upcoming Sunday! HOLY STINKIN' COW! I will be off of my 2nd round of antibiotics by then and will be feeling pretty great. Thank goodness for that. April has been a very hard training month for me. Getting strep in the middle of it with some really long run has made it extremely frustrating and challenging. But i've been feeling pretty good as of late. Thank goodness! I am actually really excited for this event! I can't believe I'm actually going to do this. Wow. I am so thankful that my co-workers/friends have been training with me and putting up with my sometimes endless complaints, haha. I really could not have done any of this without them. I'll on Monday about my first race experience. After that, I'm going to think of a different route to take this blog. Hopefully, sometime to motivate me to actually write more. It's a good outlet for me and I'd love to keep up with it. Who knows what I'll actually end up doing. :)

Peace.

8 and now 9 miles?

I can hardly believe how much i have improved with my running adventure. Last weekend i ran 8 miles by myself and this weekend (my running partner is back in town, thank goodness!) i ran 9 miles. since i live in oregon it was only fitting that we would eventually run in the pouring rain. no joke, pouring. crazy down pour was happening. my shoes are still sopping wet and i need to go run 3 miles out right now, and yes you guessed it, it is still raining.

i'm becoming a believer that anyone can truly run. my friends joke with me that they never saw me as wanting to run. i joke back and tell them that they are correct. but there is something truly special about working towards a goal that just keeps you excited and motivated. running is not easy for me and will most likely never be. but it is a good thing for me to be doing right now. it gives me confidence to be able to do something that i never thought i could do. i would have thought you were crazy years ago if you told me that i could run a total of 9 miles.

then i look at my own life with my relationship with God. isn't God always telling us that we can accomplish so much in life? yet we constantly say we cannot or are unable to do it. running is teaching me a lot. most of what i am learning i really don't have the words for. i'll keep processing it and add more when i come up with it.

a fun note: yesterday while i was running there was a puddle that looked a lot like the christian fish. that was fun to see and a good reminder that i am running towards the prize. the next one i saw was a whale. i don't have anything good about that except that i think whales are fun. maybe i was going crazy since when i saw the fish and whale i was at the end of my run, haha. :)

peace.

7 miles!

Yesterday, team starin (that's my running partner, erin, and my name combined, hehe) ran 7 miles!!!! holy cow!!!!! we seriously ran all over eugene. it was crazy! we are so proud of ourselves and what we have accomplished so far. i am getting more confident that i can run the 13.1 miles. all i know is that there would be no way i could do this without training. it would be impossible for me especially since i am not a natural runner whatsoever. today i did my recover run of 3 miles and it felt really good. i enjoy the slow, peaceful runs.

my ankle is doing alright. i am so glad that i have a brace on. i'd rather be safe than sorry and injure myself more.

happy monday, everyone. :)

good news!

I bought a ankle brace, ran 3 miles yesterday, and do not feel pain. My ankle still feels a little sore and is a tad bit swollen, but not awful. thank goodness! i'm not going to lie, but i definitely did pray for my ankle. i just couldn't believe what happened on sunday and refused to let it get me down. i'm actually getting to the point where i really enjoy running and was sad to think that running might not be the best thing for me. i really am thankful that i'm going to still be able to run. i even ran at a pretty stinkin' good pace yesterday! :)

but it's good to slow down and take it easy. i find that this little injury is a good reminder of that. so it's time to get off the computer and take a personal break just for myself. peace. :)